A Dreamer's Walk

Empire Fist

Two Poems I wrote in Europe!

In the mist of traveling I contracted a burden. An unsolvable problem bombarded me. I am going to write about my trip to Europe for the World Cup in Germany. A tragedy struck me on this trip. My mind was completely disconnected from my body. My head resided in Oregon as my body was in Europe. This is my story. It will be split into two parts. This is a story about travel, soccer and fun. It is also a story about love and a broken heart. 

For a whole year I saved money for a summer in Europe. I was going to watch the World Cup in Germany. All eyes everywhere in the world would be gazing at this event. I left on June 1^st and flew to Ireland. Ireland is an amazing country. You can find a pub anywhere and the Guinness flows constantly. The Irish are proud of their heritage. They are humble as well. They live on an island that is green and grey. I managed to strike a lucky weather spell. There was sunshine for ten days. What are the chances of that? Ireland is known for its castles. They dot the landscape. The coast is picturesque. Surf’s up in Ireland. The music is always playing and the pubs are always welcoming. Ireland is embedded with stories of struggle. Influxes of forces have invaded the Irish people for eras of time. In most cases the tribes fought not only against these forces but against themselves. Some may even view the island as being invaded today. The people still speak the Irish language. The potato famine decimated the population in the 1840’s and now the United States of America is home to numerous Irish ancestries.  The population today is now starting to rebound to pre-existing numbers before the famine happened. Ireland gained it’s independence from British rule started by the Easter Rebellion in 1916. This placed Dublin as the capital and today the country is one of the wealthiest in the European Union. It makes sense to be proud from triumph of so much hardships.

Let’s start off with an emotion so pure and radiant. It pulses, feels and acts on its own accord. Love heals, creates strength and instills tranquility. Love fuels passion. It demands a will to stay true and correct. And a will to have faith is something or someone. Love creates a belief that can not be severed. Love creates people and people create love. People strive to find this passion and it’s what moves them. It is what makes them be. Love will allow someone to do anything for another. Love is always the better solution. A stronger belief in someone will be better for all. Sometimes people can be captivated or clueless from something that has always been there. Then when it is gone they weep. Why will love come and go? Maybe things change but, feelings remain the same. Why does it feel so strong sometimes and where does it come from? It takes a lot of trials and trust to build a friendship. There is an array of challenges and experiences that two people must conquer to establish a lasting bond. Love will always be once it has been created; maybe just as a memory if the other person is gone. It is still there. Love is happiness when you have it. Love can also be sadness when you don’t have it anymore. Let’s not forget, love can be bitter, cruel or false. This love causes deep wounds when the passion is strong. Cravings and regrets can eat people up. Love can be hard to find and easy to lose. Love can be easy to give. All this rolled up in an emotion. Nothing that is physically solid or concrete. Something we can’t grasp our hands on or see physically. Only through actions and expressions can we be on the receiving end. Love is a feeling! What a powerful thing!

In Ireland I met with a great friend of mine Ashley and her boyfriend David. They had planed a weekend at the beach to go camping. Perfect! It was a bank holiday that weekend. A bank holiday happens every first Monday of the month in summer. The reason for a holiday is to simply just get the day off and enjoy life. We went out to the west coast to a small town of Strand Hill; for surf, sounds and drinking. It was a blast. Strand Hill is a burial site for some old ancient queen. It was a blast and a perfect relaxation. In the remote North West of Ireland is the county of Donegal. This land is hilly and scarcely populated. In Donegal resides the Slieve League, a rim of 1800 ft sea cliffs. Pretty impressive! I ventured into Northern Ireland and stayed in the town of Antrim. At the first glanced I noticed all the taxis around. I pondered into the reason because the town was not that big. After meeting with an elderly man, I was told the reason for all the taxis is the Catholic/Protestant conflicts. Dangerous to walk around at night! I had no other means but to walk, and instantly found romantic walkways all over the place. Fountains under bridges, old castle walls, and river platforms were everywhere. It’s kinda ironic, an unsafe town to walk around however it is gorgeous by foot.

One summer of mine, I feel in love with a girl on a farm. She picked me up one afternoon and blushed all the way while driving. She has curly black hair, gorgeous eyes and a delicate smile. My heart raced and we both knew there was something. The first four days we spent together was bliss. I took her to a beautiful swimming spot on the Santiam River, in Oregon. Swimming is her passion.  We hit of right and both of us knew we were meant for each other. That was three years ago. I still cherish that summer. 

This girl I love with all my heart. She has aspired me to give all I have to give. I saw tremendous beauty in her. Her persona is joyful and majestic. She is also very intelligent and elegant. Together with this girl I was a made man. These feelings might never change. This is how I felt when we were together. We matched; we didn’t fight or quarrel and settled our differences with a good laugh. It could have not been more sincere. I tried to give all my love and comfort to her. I gave all of my self to commitment, to her. Yet, we lived a part. A void in her heart opened up. She closed it with someone else. The hardest thing we went through was breaking up.

The city of Prague teems with energy. There is endless wisdom and knowledge flowing through the streets. The women are bombshells and the cathedrals are unbelievable. It is a very intense place to be. In Prague any thing will happen. You can buy a beer for 69 Kc in one bar then find it across the street for 27 Kc. The city is magical and mysterious. It captivates and mesmerizes. Prague is a gem. I emotionally broke down in Prague of all places. I tried to find guidance to help me. I prayed. St. Nicholas Church is a powerful place with tremendous spiritual wealth. It sits right in the middle of Prague. This is where my mind gave in. An amazing Slovakian girl had advised me to let my emotions stream. I kneeled and cried under a statue of a priest stomping down an evil spirit. An angel with the Bible in hand glazed up at the priest. The evil spirit was my pain. I prayed for answers. I found two. I realized that sometimes individuals don’t make the best choices in life. They screw up and hurt themselves and others. However, in the end there is some sort of higher being that will make the best choices for everyone. I also realized that I can only do what I can do and be the best at that.

I remember all the good times with this girl. Being together, and seeing each other everyday. Walking on the beach and hanging out with groups of friends. We spent all our free time together. I made it consume me. My family always enjoyed her visits when I went to see them. We shared our passions together like camping, hiking and traveling. We used to drive out to Eastern Oregon to get consumed by the desert. Or we would go to concerts to be engulfed by music. We went to Chicago together and hiked around the North Cascades National Park. We spent two weeks together in Hawai’i. We did everything. I can still see her eyes peering down from the top of her glasses, glimmering. I can still feel her smile and energy. I realized all of this heavy comfort might have been in vain. I put a lot of faith and trust in her. I might have thrown myself into the deep end. The thing I enjoyed most was to say I had an amazing girlfriend. That alone made me smile. It made my everyday. 

The time changed about a year ago. The mood collapsed. I was away living halfway across the continent. I had a passion for the world and I made a choice to leave. She stopped believing in me and gave up a little of what we had together. I wish I would have known this then. This girl started to fool around. With the thought of me leaving she gave up hope as well. I held on. Our friendship was destroyed because her trust faltered. And she made a mistake. I have never been cheated on before, but this one was with on of my best friends I have known for eight years. To this day, he hasn’t told me one word about his feeling for her. A coward! The lies compiled until I found the truth from someone else. The hurt from loosing two great friends is tremendous. The hurt from being betrayed by two great friends is even harder to cope with. It hurt to be the blame for their mistakes. Once the grey cloud dissipated I pieced all of it together. This was after two months of intense agony and misery. My mind was being jabbed by a trident.

Germany was the place to be. Whole cities were partying. Frankfurt set up a fan fare projector screen to display the games in the middle of the river. Berlin closed off the central park and had the street outfitted with screens. When they won the streets everywhere erupted in parades. I love the culture, the trains and the concept of drinking beer virtually anywhere. Germany is a densely populated country and as being host did a great job of accommodating scores of travelers from all corners of the world. My dad and brother came out to travel. They loved it. I had to teach them how to say “I love you” in German about a dozen times. Ich liebe dich!

 

While things cleared, I figured out the clarity. I did the best I could and did nothing wrong. I gave it my 100%. It was all I could do. Yet, I got the shaft. There was noting else I could of done. The deepest wound is the one that comes from a friend. Beware of Shakespeare’s Brutus! One of the worst things in the world is losing a best friend.

Switzerland is like a fortress country amount the clouds. On our trip we visited the city of Zürich. My friend Jason Yoshinaga was traveling with us. The city is nice, clean and set up efficiently. We ended up camping and got drenched in the middle of the night by thunderstorms. Dark clouds will appear at any moment and soak the land. Then the next moment the cloud is gone and sunshine again. Switzerland will do that to you. Zürich has a classy feel and after a few days we were glad to travel up into the mountains. Glacier covered peaks and green lakes everywhere. The country is very pristine and tranquil. Outside of Interlaken we hiked to up to the Eiger from Grindelwald. Jason got roasted since he was using insect repellent instead of sunscreen. Ha!ha!ha! During our walk there were para gliders and hand gliders in the sky everywhere. The people use their weekends to hike to alpine huts and spend the nights. It is a fascinating place, somebody even based jumped off the Eiger while were hiking up. The guy looked like a flying squirrel.

So this is what I have learned. If you are with someone in a strong relationship it has to be that way to the end. Then if the both of you break up, you will do so feeling nothing but love and admiration. It needs to be strong to the very end. This will encourage both of you to preserver on and march off on a single golden path.  I learned that with a pain this excruciating, if I make it through I can make it through anything. It will end at some point. A true match must consist of equal affection. Unbalanced relationships will cause strain on both ends. I learned to cherish the good times. I ran the gambit of emotions on this one. A person freaks out when they are losing someone dear to them. I learned that all of my emotions were completely natural. I found out a person must get all there emotions out. It helps to heal. I felt a strong anger and an intense hatred. But, I learned that these two emotions don’t get you anywhere. They will run you into a deeper bottom. I have to concentrate on the good times and valuable lessons. I have learned that many answers will never be found. It is better to let things go because otherwise they will never be solved. I learned that once the truth is generally known that a solution can be found. All the final pieces of a puzzle don’t need to be fit in once the general picture is outlined. I learned to accept things. I hate to say I have to be a stoic on this one. I learned that when someone else doesn’t care, you tend to care more. I learned to promote strength in myself. I found out I have really amazing friends. I have also learned it is easy to burn others, especially with lies. I have hope, honor and virtue. I learned I have passion and a great life. Most importantly, I learned what not to do to others I love.

To end the adventure, we ended up in the hot and dirty Mediterranean city of Nice. It was so muggy you didn’t want to do much more than go to the ocean and swim. Nice went crazy when France beat Brazil. The streets erupted in fireworks, chanting and massive crowds. The food was great in Nice, the people were cool and it was a lot different then I expected. Not a bad place to end my trip.